I am not sure how to start off, but let me tell you that in 8 weeks we visited 8 countries and met up with 70 friends, parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, ex-colleagues, old neighbors.
‘You must be crazy to travel so much!’ some of them said. Indeed a whirlwind of encounters with people we know well. Those 8 weeks we slept in 15 different beds, drove in left and right-handed traffic, stayed in tiny villages and big cities, jogged along seaside’s and hiked in mountains. Francien and I spent quality time with family and friends speaking four different languages, using three different alphabets. Most of them we met in their own environment on their own terms.
In our quest to experience new things, Francien and I set out to meet up with as many people we have a good relationship with as possible. We started on this trip together with a few friends we befriended in Malaysia and traveled from our home in Kuala Lumpur to Banda Aceh on the most northern tip of Sumatra, Indonesia. We not only visited the 2001 Tsunami museum, but also did scuba diving in volcanic waters on Pulau Weh. The local people on average earned less than 1 US$ / day, but nevertheless happy and welcoming.
A few days later the air pollution index in Kuala Lumpur was so high, that we decided to spend a few days on the island of Phuket, Thailand. Lots of fresh air, we explored the island on two scooters, cruising among rubber and mango plantations. Friends from Kuala Lumpr joined us and together we enjoyed the tropical beaches and good food on the island. The local people always gave us a big smile and went out of their way to help us. A few days later we spent three days together with a childhood friend and his partner in Singapore. Together we drank the famous Singapore Sling in the Raffles long bar. In this glittering metropolis the people were more business-like; - stern and direct. Now I repeat myself again; a few days later after a 15-hours flight, we traveled through Germany, had a brief stop-over in France and continued to Holland.
In Berlin the young crowds in the evenings overfilled the bars and restaurants. It is always a busy city, with overcrowded shops, malls, squares and parks. No matter how often we visit this lively city, I cannot get used to the sight of people drinking from beer bottles on the streets, in the underground, in the parks. The people were pushy and felt somewhat unfriendly. Never mind, a visit to the newly opened Futurium in the beautiful government district was an eye-opening experience, helping us to better understand the new technologies we will be confronted with like AI, genetic engineering, nano technology and robotics. But then just a few days earlier, eating ‘Flamkuchen’ with old friends in a traditional ‘Straussenwirtschaft’ in the Black Forest was a throwback into the past. It seemed to have changed little over time, typical of the conservative rural culture in Germany. Here we spent time together with old friends and neighbors we befriended with during the course of 30 years.
Just across the border in the French Elzas region we also stayed with a cousin we had not seen since 1981.
In Holland we visited sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts and parents. Having left our country of birth so long ago, we felt as foreign as in any other country which we regularly visit. No matter where we travel to or how many times we have been there, always a few things catches our attention. This time I personally noticed all those 80-plus-year elderly in a nursing home and the shopping center across the street. It felt intimidating! Rollator-walkers, electrical carts, walking tripods, wheelchairs, walking sticks. Living in South East Asia, the demographic differences in this respect are striking. In fact, I noted so many elderly people, not only in Holland, but in Germany and France as well.
But Holland still holds many powerful memories. When our plane took off from Amsterdam airport, I enjoyed a great view from my window seat on canals, lakes, cities, highways, dunes and offshore wind parks. It all reminded me of the place a grew up. But Holland is not the same anymore. At best, it was this view from the plane which did not change that much since we left 38 years ago.
In Holland people were timely, on the Mediterranean Island of Cyprus – not so much. The first thing I noticed this time while strolling in a local supermarket in Paphos were the young macho men (lots of bravado, exaggerated body postures with beards, masculine clothing) and feminine women (make-up, flashing clothing, expressive hairstyles, calling for attention). They stood out against the generally badly dressed silver haired British tourists and diaspora. At the end of this exhausting trip we helped our friends to harvest their olives and socialized with British, Swiss, Indian, Dutch and Cypriots we got to know very well over the last 16 years.
All the way we spent time together with family, friends and acquaintances. Crossing borders, customs and social norms take on different dimensions. When Francien and I reach a new destination, it takes us 24 hours to reset our compass, language, driving style, food and small talk bearings, blending in as much as possible. This is really something. Seeing so many countries, which we have visited before and some have even been our home, in a such very short time. Many of our friendships developed out of common experiences living in some of these foreign countries, working relationships and sharing common hobbies, being good neighbors.
“Long time no see, my old friend!” as we shook our hands warmly and firmly with people we have shared memorable times with. Our faces have now more wrinkles, but looked familiar and smiled, the same smiles that I remember from so long ago. The joy we experienced had less to do with how long we had known them, but more to do with how many things we still had in common. Even after in some cases many years of no communications, friendships were still alive and kicking! We valued each other.
“Its great to meet again after so many years”.
On the road again…
“Remember when…..” began many of our sentences. We had decades of common memories floating in our minds… Flashbacks about nearly forgotten dreams about what life would be like in ten years… The funny thing is: I never thought life would be what it is today.
It was also great to meet up with cousins we had not seen for many years. Lots of hugs seeing some of them the first time after 38 years! “Families are like branches of a tree, we grow in different directions but our roots remain as one.” (quote from unknown)
‘When are you coming back to Holland?’, a question we were being asked directly or insinuated to us. Never say never, but at this stage we do not plan to go back.
Others asked us: ‘Do you enjoy waving goodbyes to all those people you got to know and became close with?’ Well, it becomes easier over time, because we learned that there can always be another time and certainly with our social media will remain part of our lives no matter where we live.
The many conversations we had were about our own life experiences, mutual relationships, professional careers, health issues, sports and politics. We all think about the future, realizing how much has changed during our own lifetime. Extrapolating this into the future brings many unknowns and uncertainties. Can we still trust governments and big organizations? How will all these new technologies look like and affect us? Many agreed we need to urgently address the climate issues facing us, but many agreed there is no reason for dooms-day-thinking nor panic. It taught me how similar the people think. In particular their worries about the future like our climate, the prosperity of their children, our democracy. But reconnecting with people we have known since almost four decades, I realized back then we also shared common concerns like the cold war, education, social security. We all did overcome those issues and I am convinced today’s concerns are not more daunting and therefore will be overcome. I am optimistic!
Dare I say it, 70 percent of the friends and families we have met gave us positive energy. People go their own way, face their own challenges, pursue their opportunities. As I elaborated on in my recent book, we all live in our own bubble. Some were judgmental, unhappy (complainers) and enjoyed putting others down. Alas, they felt victimized, blaming society for all their woes. But kindness, empathy, optimism, and enthusiasm were all aspects of the positive energy what those who took the most initiatives in their lives displayed.
Reunions with so many people who all had some sort of influence on our own life felt like a kind of time travel. But strangely enough, it made the time past feel longer and the places we knew look smaller.
Reconnecting taught me how diverge the roads we took have been, far beyond what we expected when we were still young. Our friends and family were our window to the world outside ourselves, reminding us of the persons we used to be. It also made us feel privileged. Francien and I are free to visit other retired friends and family as well as those who have less opportunity for travel because they still have jobs. It rejuvenates us to look in the future, plan ahead and make the best out of it.
We also learned that dealing with these relationships required our own pro-active initiatives. At times this can be exhausting, yes even frustrating, as it can feel like a one-way effort. But it is worthwhile spending energy on this, because it enriches our live.
Thus, maintaining these relationships increases our own horizon. The saying goes: - Sometimes we travel to find others, sometimes we travel to find ourselves -. Well, I guess it is a bit of both!
Thank you for reading my blog and do not forget to reach out.